136.2 this morning. Not outstanding. But hey, loss is loss. I'll take what I can get.
Today I've had... idk. 130? ish? calories. Less than 200. It's been a good day, for the most part. I'm leaving for a doctor's appointment in five minutes. Outta school early ftw. I'm not worried about weighing in. I weigh more than I usually do. So meh.
Sad panda.
Sparks needs to get skinny before prom. hmmhmm. That way she can look better in her dress. Because now it's chunky monkey.
My stomach feels empty today, which is good. It's kinda prickly burning. Not aching, but burning.
Also. The frostbite's back on my fingertips. <3
Now, let me explain that. I don't actually have frostbite on my fingers. I've never had frostbite. But whenever I'm being good, my fingers get really cold and my nails turn blue, and then eventually my fingertips turn blue too. And they're freezing all the time. So I know I'm eating well if I have "frostbite" on my fingertips.
Inspiration for blog title? You guys catch on so fast. ;)
Hmmmm. Yeah. So I went on a high-ropes course yesterday with my youth group. I'd be a good ninja, after I practiced some more. I was freaking out inside but got used to it after a while. Being forty feet in the air isn't all that normal, though.
So yeah. And then I've spent the last few days cleaning my room like a crazy person because we're having the house appraised today. Hmmhmm. Hope it doesn't look too awful~~~
Sparks has to go now. Toodles!
Peace, Love, & Skinny. <3
> Sparks <
Monday, April 15, 2013
Thursday, April 11, 2013
You win, Rex. You win.
138.4 this morning.
Sexy Rexy is back.
Now, I know that this is a horrible, horrible number. Five more pounds up and I'd be overweight. I've gained in the last two days. But then again, I haven't been trying.
I woke up this morning and Rex was back in my skull. As much as I love the idea of loving my body how it is, I really can't. It's just too big. So you can imagine my relief to hear her voice again.
So far today I've had coffee with sweetener and half-n-half (25), and three baby carrots (11). For lunch I have a salad of iceberg lettuce, carrots, broccoli, homegrown tomatoes (lol they're so tiny), and fat-free italian dressing. That brings my daily total to (109). I'll have some gum later, so that'll bring it up, but it'll also burn more cals chewing (11 per hour, I've read).
Have I also mentioned that I'm twitchy as fuck? Whether Rex is in my head telling me to do it or not, I'm constantly shaking my leg. So that's gotta burn something, right?
I hope?
Mergh.
I didn't get any homework done last night because we had bad thunderstorms all evening. One place even got hit with a tornado. I have a phobia of thunderstorms (not a fear, a phobia) so I just shut down. I spent like six hours huddled under a blanket in my basement with music blasting in my ears to try to drown out the thunder.
It's kinda weird actually. I can do rain. I love rain. I can do heat lightning without rain. I think it's beautiful and it sounds wonderful. But as soon as you take rain and add thunder and lightning that hits the ground, I freak out like a chihuahua in a dog fighting ring. Like, hoooooolyyyyy shiiiiiiiit.
Reminds me of Rex, actually. I can eat normally without working out. Or I can binge and work out. But as soon as I try to eat normally and work out just a little, BAM. Rex is back in my head, and I start restricting and I'm burning a thousand calories in 1.5 hours at the gym. It's like there's no middle ground, which sucks. I stink at restricting, but I can't eat normally without working out or else I gain or stay the same.
Ugh. Why can't I just be normal?
Padfoot is back home from the hospital as of last Saturday. She's doing okay. Her mom's the bad guy right now because she's making Padfoot eat, while they wait for a bed to become available at the clinic. I hope she does her best to recover, because she's been through hell enough.
I'll keep you guys updated on my progress.
Oh, and my mom baked fresh bread this morning. Wish me luck for when I get home. It's one of my biggest weaknesses.
Stay strong, ladies and gents.
Peace, Love, & Skinny.
> Sparks <
Sexy Rexy is back.
Now, I know that this is a horrible, horrible number. Five more pounds up and I'd be overweight. I've gained in the last two days. But then again, I haven't been trying.
I woke up this morning and Rex was back in my skull. As much as I love the idea of loving my body how it is, I really can't. It's just too big. So you can imagine my relief to hear her voice again.
So far today I've had coffee with sweetener and half-n-half (25), and three baby carrots (11). For lunch I have a salad of iceberg lettuce, carrots, broccoli, homegrown tomatoes (lol they're so tiny), and fat-free italian dressing. That brings my daily total to (109). I'll have some gum later, so that'll bring it up, but it'll also burn more cals chewing (11 per hour, I've read).
Have I also mentioned that I'm twitchy as fuck? Whether Rex is in my head telling me to do it or not, I'm constantly shaking my leg. So that's gotta burn something, right?
I hope?
Mergh.
I didn't get any homework done last night because we had bad thunderstorms all evening. One place even got hit with a tornado. I have a phobia of thunderstorms (not a fear, a phobia) so I just shut down. I spent like six hours huddled under a blanket in my basement with music blasting in my ears to try to drown out the thunder.
It's kinda weird actually. I can do rain. I love rain. I can do heat lightning without rain. I think it's beautiful and it sounds wonderful. But as soon as you take rain and add thunder and lightning that hits the ground, I freak out like a chihuahua in a dog fighting ring. Like, hoooooolyyyyy shiiiiiiiit.
Reminds me of Rex, actually. I can eat normally without working out. Or I can binge and work out. But as soon as I try to eat normally and work out just a little, BAM. Rex is back in my head, and I start restricting and I'm burning a thousand calories in 1.5 hours at the gym. It's like there's no middle ground, which sucks. I stink at restricting, but I can't eat normally without working out or else I gain or stay the same.
Ugh. Why can't I just be normal?
Padfoot is back home from the hospital as of last Saturday. She's doing okay. Her mom's the bad guy right now because she's making Padfoot eat, while they wait for a bed to become available at the clinic. I hope she does her best to recover, because she's been through hell enough.
I'll keep you guys updated on my progress.
Oh, and my mom baked fresh bread this morning. Wish me luck for when I get home. It's one of my biggest weaknesses.
Stay strong, ladies and gents.
Peace, Love, & Skinny.
> Sparks <
Monday, April 8, 2013
And so it starts again...
Hey everyone. Been a while.
/shot.
Yeah, so, I just suck at updating this. I think it's because usually I only update on the days when I feel like I'm doing well. Which frankly hasn't been often lately.
I think I weigh somewhere around 137.
I kinda clicked again today. I had some plain yogurt for breakfast, and I have a banana packed for lunch.
Padfoot's been home since last Saturday. She's not at school anymore, but that's okay. She stays home with her mom, who makes her eat. She's going to a treatment center as soon as a bed opens up for her.
I've come to the realization that EDs are just exhausting. Like, seriously. I just get so tired of it all the time. The static in my head.
Hmm. I think I'd be more of an exercise bulimic if I had more time on my hands. Maybe I'll start working out in the mornings, too, before school. I'd have to figure out how to work the showers at the gym.
It could be good.
I want to be skinnier by prom. Like, at least ten pounds. That's in a month. Totally doable, right?
Well, it's me. So I guess we'll see.
In response to a question posed in a comment on my last post, my tattoo's going on the left side of my ribs, but more towards the front. It'll say "You are strong. You are beautiful. You are enough."
...Or maybe just "beautiful" or something like that.
idk. It was a much better idea a few days ago when Rex wasn't inside my head. But, alas, she's made herself quite comfortable again.
Will it ever stop?
Mergh. Sparks needs a nap.
/shot.
Yeah, so, I just suck at updating this. I think it's because usually I only update on the days when I feel like I'm doing well. Which frankly hasn't been often lately.
I think I weigh somewhere around 137.
I kinda clicked again today. I had some plain yogurt for breakfast, and I have a banana packed for lunch.
Padfoot's been home since last Saturday. She's not at school anymore, but that's okay. She stays home with her mom, who makes her eat. She's going to a treatment center as soon as a bed opens up for her.
I've come to the realization that EDs are just exhausting. Like, seriously. I just get so tired of it all the time. The static in my head.
Hmm. I think I'd be more of an exercise bulimic if I had more time on my hands. Maybe I'll start working out in the mornings, too, before school. I'd have to figure out how to work the showers at the gym.
It could be good.
I want to be skinnier by prom. Like, at least ten pounds. That's in a month. Totally doable, right?
Well, it's me. So I guess we'll see.
In response to a question posed in a comment on my last post, my tattoo's going on the left side of my ribs, but more towards the front. It'll say "You are strong. You are beautiful. You are enough."
...Or maybe just "beautiful" or something like that.
idk. It was a much better idea a few days ago when Rex wasn't inside my head. But, alas, she's made herself quite comfortable again.
Will it ever stop?
Mergh. Sparks needs a nap.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Lather, Rinse, Repeat.
Hey y'all.
I really need to get back on track with this whole updating thing.
So I yoyoed (lol, new weight loss verb?) for a while and then said to hell with this and stopped trying to restrict, but kept watching what I ate. I've got my weight pretty stable right now at about 134-135. Then I'm going to start gently incorporating in working out, starting with burning like 300-400 calories and slowly working up.
When I restrict, I really restrict, and I really work out. So I wind up with deficits. Which, frankly, is not good for Sparkies. It makes me binge within a few days, and then my weight skyrockets, and. yeah.
No good.
So now I'm trying to do it a bit smarter, at a pace I can keep up. The only problem is that I need to lose, like, 15 pounds by the end of April.
Hermherm. fmls.
I turn 18 in a week. It's hard to get my head around. I'm going to get a tattoo between then and the end of April, theoretically.
Umm. Yeah. That's todays' update.
Love you all. Be good.
> Sparks <
I really need to get back on track with this whole updating thing.
So I yoyoed (lol, new weight loss verb?) for a while and then said to hell with this and stopped trying to restrict, but kept watching what I ate. I've got my weight pretty stable right now at about 134-135. Then I'm going to start gently incorporating in working out, starting with burning like 300-400 calories and slowly working up.
When I restrict, I really restrict, and I really work out. So I wind up with deficits. Which, frankly, is not good for Sparkies. It makes me binge within a few days, and then my weight skyrockets, and. yeah.
No good.
So now I'm trying to do it a bit smarter, at a pace I can keep up. The only problem is that I need to lose, like, 15 pounds by the end of April.
Hermherm. fmls.
I turn 18 in a week. It's hard to get my head around. I'm going to get a tattoo between then and the end of April, theoretically.
Umm. Yeah. That's todays' update.
Love you all. Be good.
> Sparks <
Thursday, March 14, 2013
Ugh. Seriously?
138.4.
What the fuck, Sparks?
I didn't work out yesterday, and instead ate a lot. Mergh.
I'm really tired today. I have a psych presentation last hour. Then I have to go home and write my 10-page paper. Both are on Anorexia.
I don't really have much else to say. Still don't feel very good. I have a pounding headache.
....I think I'll sleep until the bell rings.
Cheers, kids.
> Sparks <
What the fuck, Sparks?
I didn't work out yesterday, and instead ate a lot. Mergh.
I'm really tired today. I have a psych presentation last hour. Then I have to go home and write my 10-page paper. Both are on Anorexia.
I don't really have much else to say. Still don't feel very good. I have a pounding headache.
....I think I'll sleep until the bell rings.
Cheers, kids.
> Sparks <
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
I AM
...the worst at updating in the history of ever.
/shot.
Okayokayokay.
Soooo lately I've done some yoyoing. I went from 131.8 to 137.8. Blahblah. Found out I'm on my period so that explains a lot of the uncontrollable emotions and the eating of the everything in sight.
ihavethewillpowerofacarrot.
Yesterday wasn't awful. I was really good, with like 170 total. Then I got home and made a cake for my friend, at which point I ate a bunch of scraps and a bunch of buttercream. Totally worth it. OTL failure, Sparks, failure!
Anyways. So then I went to the gym for like a couple hours. I burned over 1000 cals on the arc trainer, and then did a bunch of strength training. So I feel like I did okay. Not great, because I was weak. But beter than I could have been.
This morning I weighed in at 134.4. Fuck yeah, losing.
I feel more determined lately than I have the past few days. It's just a matter now of finding time to work out. I think we're doing kickball in gym now so that doesn't burn any calories, really.. I just stand around the whole time. And then I'm going to have a shit ton of homework for the next, like, two days. I have a presentation tomorrow in Psych (that I haven't started) and a 10-page research paper due on Friday (that I also haven't started), as well as an English quiz which is basically 100 questions of the most nitpicky stuff ever.
So yeah. busybusybusy.
But it'll be okay. Even if I only work out for like half an hour.
....lol. Who am I kidding? Now if I don't burn at least 1,000 calories, I feel like a slacker.
Oh well. C'est la vie. It isn't gonna be easy, but it'll definitely be worth it.
I hope everybody's doing okay.
Peace, love, and skinny. <3
> Sparks <
/shot.
Okayokayokay.
Soooo lately I've done some yoyoing. I went from 131.8 to 137.8. Blahblah. Found out I'm on my period so that explains a lot of the uncontrollable emotions and the eating of the everything in sight.
ihavethewillpowerofacarrot.
Yesterday wasn't awful. I was really good, with like 170 total. Then I got home and made a cake for my friend, at which point I ate a bunch of scraps and a bunch of buttercream. Totally worth it. OTL failure, Sparks, failure!
Anyways. So then I went to the gym for like a couple hours. I burned over 1000 cals on the arc trainer, and then did a bunch of strength training. So I feel like I did okay. Not great, because I was weak. But beter than I could have been.
This morning I weighed in at 134.4. Fuck yeah, losing.
I feel more determined lately than I have the past few days. It's just a matter now of finding time to work out. I think we're doing kickball in gym now so that doesn't burn any calories, really.. I just stand around the whole time. And then I'm going to have a shit ton of homework for the next, like, two days. I have a presentation tomorrow in Psych (that I haven't started) and a 10-page research paper due on Friday (that I also haven't started), as well as an English quiz which is basically 100 questions of the most nitpicky stuff ever.
So yeah. busybusybusy.
But it'll be okay. Even if I only work out for like half an hour.
....lol. Who am I kidding? Now if I don't burn at least 1,000 calories, I feel like a slacker.
Oh well. C'est la vie. It isn't gonna be easy, but it'll definitely be worth it.
I hope everybody's doing okay.
Peace, love, and skinny. <3
> Sparks <
Thursday, March 7, 2013
Sick. :/
Yeah, you read that right. I'm sick. :( It sucks. I've been having basically hot flashes and shake fits all the time. My skin's all red and itchy. I think it's an allergic reaction or something.
Yesterday I had an intake of 150. Fuck to the yeah. :)
Today I weighed in at 132.4. Fuck to the fucking yeah.
So far I've lost a total of 8.2 pounds since my starting/highest weight of 140.6. And only in a few days! How exciting is that?
Ummmm... I got the scholarhsip figured out. Apparently they had technical difficulties and so they accepted it by email. it's really great news. :D
So yeah. I'm home sick today. I've had a cup of yogurt (200--ick) and some tea. I don't know about exercising. I feel like shit.
So yeah. I hope everyone has a good day today. :)
Cheers, kids.
> Sparks <
Yesterday I had an intake of 150. Fuck to the yeah. :)
Today I weighed in at 132.4. Fuck to the fucking yeah.
So far I've lost a total of 8.2 pounds since my starting/highest weight of 140.6. And only in a few days! How exciting is that?
Ummmm... I got the scholarhsip figured out. Apparently they had technical difficulties and so they accepted it by email. it's really great news. :D
So yeah. I'm home sick today. I've had a cup of yogurt (200--ick) and some tea. I don't know about exercising. I feel like shit.
So yeah. I hope everyone has a good day today. :)
Cheers, kids.
> Sparks <
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)