Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Life Without Scales...


Yeah so my parents stole their scale back (I stole it first lol whoops) so now I have no scale. I haven't weighed in for at least five days. I have no idea what I weigh.

....still hella fat, so obviously too much.

Whatever. I'm never gonna be skinny. Fact of life.

Also, I'm on Twitter now. Follow me at @SparksInsomniac and I'll follow back!

Ummm... Took a detox bath yesterday. I'm sore all over now. Is that normal?

Mergh. I should fast tomorrow... I like fasting.

That's all  folks.

How's everyone doing?

Thursday, April 18, 2013


I'm in a scholarship contest and I need votes! I can get a $1,000 scholarship, I just need votes! So if you like it, please vote, share this on your blogs, etc. Thanks!

You can find my piece here:


I got picked to be one of 24 finalists, out of the 9,200 that entered. This really means a lot to me.

Peace, Love, & Skinny


Wednesday, April 17, 2013

Wokka wokka

136.8 today.

I've been bad today. Had oatmeal for breakfast with sugar and almonds and milk. Had two slices of pizza for lunch. ;; No bueno.

BUT. I have no homework due tomorrow. So today I'll be spending at least two hours at the gym. I like this plan. This is a good plan.

I seriously doubt I'll be skinny by prom. I'm going to be ugly. Ugh. Maybe I'll wear my dress from Sophomore year instead. It's much more prom-y anyways.

ALSO. I'm now on Twitter. First account ever, still figuring it out. xD I'm @SparksInsomniac so come say hi and I'll follow you!

Uhh.. I think that's it.

And I got the best idea ever for my tattoo. Just fyi. But it's a surprise so can't tell! :)

Peace, Love, & Skinny.

> Sparks <

Monday, April 15, 2013


136.2 this morning. Not outstanding. But hey, loss is loss. I'll take what I can get.

Today I've had... idk. 130? ish? calories. Less than 200. It's been a good day, for the most part. I'm leaving for a doctor's appointment in five minutes. Outta school early ftw. I'm not worried about weighing in. I weigh more than I usually do. So meh.

Sad panda.

Sparks needs to get skinny before prom. hmmhmm. That way she can look better in her dress. Because now it's chunky monkey.

My stomach feels empty today, which is good. It's kinda prickly burning. Not aching, but burning.

Also. The frostbite's back on my fingertips. <3

Now, let me explain that. I don't actually have frostbite on my fingers. I've never had frostbite. But whenever I'm being good, my fingers get really cold and my nails turn blue, and then eventually my fingertips turn blue too. And they're freezing all the time. So I know I'm eating well if I have "frostbite" on my fingertips.

Inspiration for blog title? You guys catch on so fast. ;)

Hmmmm. Yeah. So I went on a high-ropes course yesterday with my youth group. I'd be a good ninja, after I practiced some more. I was freaking out inside but got used to it after a while. Being forty feet in the air isn't all that normal, though.

So yeah. And then I've spent the last few days cleaning my room like a crazy person because we're having the house appraised today. Hmmhmm. Hope it doesn't look too awful~~~

Sparks has to go now. Toodles!

Peace, Love, & Skinny. <3

> Sparks <

Thursday, April 11, 2013

You win, Rex. You win.

138.4 this morning.

Sexy Rexy is back.

Now, I know that this is a horrible, horrible number. Five more pounds up and I'd be overweight. I've gained in the last two days. But then again, I haven't been trying.

I woke up this morning and Rex was back in my skull. As much as I love the idea of loving my body how it is, I really can't. It's just too big. So you can imagine my relief to hear her voice again.

So far today I've had coffee with sweetener and half-n-half (25), and three baby carrots (11). For lunch I have a salad of iceberg lettuce, carrots, broccoli, homegrown tomatoes (lol they're so tiny), and fat-free italian dressing. That brings my daily total to (109). I'll have some gum later, so that'll bring it up, but it'll also burn more cals chewing (11 per hour, I've read).

Have I also mentioned that I'm twitchy as fuck? Whether Rex is in my head telling me to do it or not, I'm constantly shaking my leg. So that's gotta burn something, right?

I hope?


I didn't get any homework done last night because we had bad thunderstorms all evening. One place even got hit with a tornado. I have a phobia of thunderstorms (not a fear, a phobia) so I just shut down. I spent like six hours huddled under a blanket in my basement with music blasting in my ears to try to drown out the thunder.

It's kinda weird actually. I can do rain. I love rain. I can do heat lightning without rain. I think it's beautiful and it sounds wonderful. But as soon as you take rain and add thunder and lightning that hits the ground, I freak out like a chihuahua in a dog fighting ring. Like, hoooooolyyyyy shiiiiiiiit.

Reminds me of Rex, actually. I can eat normally without working out. Or I can binge and work out. But as soon as I try to eat normally and work out just a little, BAM. Rex is back in my head, and I start restricting and I'm burning a thousand calories in 1.5 hours at the gym. It's like there's no middle ground, which sucks. I stink at restricting, but I can't eat normally without working out or else I gain or stay the same.

Ugh. Why can't I just be normal?

Padfoot is back home from the hospital as of last Saturday. She's doing okay. Her mom's the bad guy right now because she's making Padfoot eat, while they wait for a bed to become available at the clinic. I hope she does her best to recover, because she's been through hell enough.

I'll keep you guys updated on my progress.

Oh, and my mom baked fresh bread this morning. Wish me luck for when I get home. It's one of my biggest weaknesses.

Stay strong, ladies and gents.

Peace, Love, & Skinny.

> Sparks <

Monday, April 8, 2013

And so it starts again...

Hey everyone. Been a while.


Yeah, so, I just suck at updating this. I think it's because usually I only update on the days when I feel like I'm doing well. Which frankly hasn't been often lately.

I think I weigh somewhere around 137.

I kinda clicked again today. I had some plain yogurt for breakfast, and I have a banana packed for lunch.

Padfoot's been home since last Saturday. She's not at school anymore, but that's okay. She stays home with her mom, who makes her eat. She's going to a treatment center as soon as a bed opens up for her.

I've come to the realization that EDs are just exhausting. Like, seriously. I just get so tired of it all the time. The static in my head.

Hmm. I think I'd be more of an exercise bulimic if I had more time on my hands. Maybe I'll start working out in the mornings, too, before school. I'd have to figure out how to work the showers at the gym.

It could be good.

I want to be skinnier by prom. Like, at least ten pounds. That's in a month. Totally doable, right?

Well, it's me. So I guess we'll see.

In response to a question posed in a comment on my last post, my tattoo's going on the left side of my ribs, but more towards the front. It'll say "You are strong. You are beautiful. You are enough."

...Or maybe just "beautiful" or something like that.

idk. It was a much better idea a few days ago when Rex wasn't inside my head. But, alas, she's made herself quite comfortable again.

Will it ever stop?

Mergh. Sparks needs a nap.