Thursday, April 11, 2013

You win, Rex. You win.

138.4 this morning.

Sexy Rexy is back.

Now, I know that this is a horrible, horrible number. Five more pounds up and I'd be overweight. I've gained in the last two days. But then again, I haven't been trying.

I woke up this morning and Rex was back in my skull. As much as I love the idea of loving my body how it is, I really can't. It's just too big. So you can imagine my relief to hear her voice again.

So far today I've had coffee with sweetener and half-n-half (25), and three baby carrots (11). For lunch I have a salad of iceberg lettuce, carrots, broccoli, homegrown tomatoes (lol they're so tiny), and fat-free italian dressing. That brings my daily total to (109). I'll have some gum later, so that'll bring it up, but it'll also burn more cals chewing (11 per hour, I've read).

Have I also mentioned that I'm twitchy as fuck? Whether Rex is in my head telling me to do it or not, I'm constantly shaking my leg. So that's gotta burn something, right?

I hope?


I didn't get any homework done last night because we had bad thunderstorms all evening. One place even got hit with a tornado. I have a phobia of thunderstorms (not a fear, a phobia) so I just shut down. I spent like six hours huddled under a blanket in my basement with music blasting in my ears to try to drown out the thunder.

It's kinda weird actually. I can do rain. I love rain. I can do heat lightning without rain. I think it's beautiful and it sounds wonderful. But as soon as you take rain and add thunder and lightning that hits the ground, I freak out like a chihuahua in a dog fighting ring. Like, hoooooolyyyyy shiiiiiiiit.

Reminds me of Rex, actually. I can eat normally without working out. Or I can binge and work out. But as soon as I try to eat normally and work out just a little, BAM. Rex is back in my head, and I start restricting and I'm burning a thousand calories in 1.5 hours at the gym. It's like there's no middle ground, which sucks. I stink at restricting, but I can't eat normally without working out or else I gain or stay the same.

Ugh. Why can't I just be normal?

Padfoot is back home from the hospital as of last Saturday. She's doing okay. Her mom's the bad guy right now because she's making Padfoot eat, while they wait for a bed to become available at the clinic. I hope she does her best to recover, because she's been through hell enough.

I'll keep you guys updated on my progress.

Oh, and my mom baked fresh bread this morning. Wish me luck for when I get home. It's one of my biggest weaknesses.

Stay strong, ladies and gents.

Peace, Love, & Skinny.

> Sparks <

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